Peculiar Kenyan Calling Habits
In Nigeria, a mobile phone call costs about 16 times what it does in Kenya. (but don't quote me on this). I guess that is why we have what Kenya's highest individual tax payer once called peculiar habits
SFX: Phone ring.
MVO: (feels nothing because the number is foreign and its at 11pm) Hello?
FVO: (In a speed that will rival those Ngong Racecourse commentators) Mama John, ni mimi (Nani?) Credit yangu inaisha. Sasa, nilienda kwa stall ya Nyawura lakini hakuwa. Kwa hivyo ile blouse nilikuwa nibadilishe sikuweza. Sasa, (bleep warning you have 1 minute of talk time left), wooiye. Si unipigie please!
SFX: Pregnant pause from 'Mama John'.
MVO: Ulikuwa unataka kuongea na nani?
FVO: Baba John, mpatie Mama John simu.
MVO: Huku hakuna Mama au Baba John.
At this point, you'd expect the lady to hang up. Despite calls in Kenya being cheaper than in Nigeria, her credit is running low, remember?
FVO: Huko ni wapi?
MVO: Si kwa akina John.
FVO: Ahhh, haki pole. Nilikuwa nataka kuongea na Mama John. Una namba yake?
There are exactly 2,345,908 Mama Johns in Kenya, excluding those without cell phones.
FVO: Si uniangalilie tafadhali.
At this point, 'Mama John' places his phone on his bedside table and proceeds to sleep, wasting our caller's credit. She doesn't deserve any.